To Drive Self-Awareness to Self-Managing, to test from specific feedback and make deliberate change
Seek specific (contextualized) feedback like this:
When we were {place/time: in that meeting at 9am today} I made some comments about three key areas that help us win business and I noticed that Brenda did not contribute after that and I think was avoiding eye-contact with me. If there was ‘one thing[1]’ that I could have done better, what is that ‘one thing’?
To Drive Awareness of Others to Managing Others and to test new and more impactful approaches
Ask questions that invite your understanding of their values, sense of identity, beliefs, needs, wants, motivations and de-motivators:
Arun, I’m interested in how you approached success with the Comcast business. You seemed more highly engaged than usual… if there was one thing that drove your engagement like that, what is that one thing?
[1] The presupposition of there being one thing stimulates the brain and opens a neural pathway. The question ‘what is that one thing’ invites an answer in the present stimulating the same neural pathway. This tends to lead to a developmental answer/feedback and other questions and answers may follow once started.
More Self-Awareness questions
Frame the First question like the one above, including contextualization AND the ‘one thing’ format. After you have the first feedback, you can then ask more questions like, “and if there was another thing”?
I disturbed you {context} when you were very busy…. One thing?
I gave you developmental-feedback (context}… one thing?
I got stressed and did not communicate well, for which I apologize; one thing… how could I stop myself getting stressed?
It was very late and I took a bad action {context}; one thing: how could I have best informed you and when?
I tried to get my message across {context} but do not think I succeeded; one thing to be better at that?
When I get too busy, action notes get mislaid, what is a better way to prevent that happening?
Am I prioritizing to the right level and if not, how can I improve that?